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One journey ends...

Dec. 17th, 2010 | 09:35 pm
mood: crushed crushed

I plan to start an actual blog, but I don't want to lose the details until I do, so I will be temporarily parking posts here. This has been one of the most intense weeks of my life, in all manners of speaking.  Intense grief, intense stress, intense joy... never in my life have I felt such a wide array of emotions in such a short period of time. I cannot remember another time of my life where I would go from crying until my contacts were blurry and my eyes swollen to laughing so hard my side feels like it will split. No, I'm not going insane. I've just lost and gained more in one fell swoop than I ever would have dreamed possible.

This story begins so many years ago I don't even want to count them. I rarely talk about my personal life, so even some of my close friends likely do not know the extent that I have gone to find my biological Dad. My mother was married to to him, but divorced him when I was about two years old. As soon as I was old enough to really grasp I had another parent out there somewhere, I've drilled for information and searched however I could. I never gave up hope that one day I'd find him. I don't think that I ever thought that I would not be successful.

My mother and I do not get along. I've seen her once in the last 10+ years. It started out as teenage rebellion and a less than accepting mother, and turned into something so much deeper as the years went on. I tried my damnedest to forgive the past and have a relationship with her. Things went well for almost a year, then she slammed the door again, without a word of explination or so much as an ill word exchanged. Four years passed without hearing a word from her, until this past Sunday night.

I'm lying in bed with Chris, hoping Liam will give up and fall asleep, when my mother sends Chris a message via Twitter. Her message simply states that it's about my biological father and I would want to see it, and includes a link.

I hopped out of bed with my heart pounding... could she finally be doing something decent? All these years searching... will I finally get to see his face? Will I hear his voice... get to meet him and know him and...

I typed in the URL with shaky hands, nearly bouncing off the edge of the bed.

The blog loads....

Confusion sets in...

My heart falls to the pit of my stomach...

I found my Dad.


R.I.P. Charis Nichole Heplar

Feb. 3rd, 2009 | 02:39 pm
mood: heartbroken heartbroken

I can't believe I'm writing this.  My last friend from Pittsburgh... my last link to my childhood.  Keeper of so many secrets...source of so much laughter...

Nicki was so much to me.  We met one night back in the mid-nineties at the Shannon Mall.  I was with Joie and we were hanging out at the arcade.  Mike Denison came up to us, and introduced us to Nicki.  We hit it off immediately.  I invited her to Rocky that night, and along the trolley ride to the show she told me, matter of factly, that she had run away from home.  We thought that was so cool.  Stupid kids that we were.  So what do you do after Rocky with a brand new best friend that can't go home after the show?  Duh!  You drag her to your house!

"Mom... this is Nicki, my best friend."  "Yeah, her mom knows she's here..." giggles throughout the night because we pulled it off.  Next day we go to her boyfriends house, and of course the police are there to drive her the 3 miles back home.  But God Damn it was a fun 24 hours.

Fast forward almost year, and it's my 16 birthday.  Sweet 16.  No one shows up for my party but Nicki.  I was heartbroken.  "Never fear, Nicki is here!"  is the response I got from my trusty side-kick.  A phone call and an hour later, and my party is full of awesomeness and new friends.  Not to mention a few hot boys to boot.

Nicki was a silent leader.  She let me pretend I was in control of our little group.  Me, Darren, Greg, Ted, Lestat... and would he would allow us his company, Beau.  But Nicki was the puppet master that pulled the strings, and the one who held the strings together when our "family" threatened to fall apart.  When Darren died, Nicki and I cried together for days.  Nicki, Darren and I were the trio.  We were inseperable.  Greg & Ted were a pair, and Lestat was our entertainment.  Beau was just Beau.  Things changed after Darren died, rapidly.  Daelyn and Tristan appeared, relationships fell to pieces, and everyone went their own ways. 

Nicki moved back to Georgia, and I followed a few years later after wandering the US looking for something I didn't ever find.  Our friendship had our ups and downs, depending on who she was with at the time.  But she was never far from my heart. 

When she contacted me again this fall, I went to her side at the hospital.  It was like nothing ever changed.  We quickly caught up, and laughed about the old days.  The only difference was she was in a hospital bed, and couldn't walk.  She was sick, but she had been that way for quite some time.  We just ignored it.

These last two months I've been so busy.  We didn't talk much.  I'll never forgive myself for that.  We planned to make arrangements for the kids, as a just in case.  But no one wanted to think about that.  She WAS going to get better after all.

Yesterday Nicki decided to check out of the hospital and go to hospice.  The removed her feeding tube and antibiotics, antibiotics that were finally seeming to make improvements.  Was she in her right mind?  Probably so.  Nicki was tired of the pain.  But she left behind three young children and a lot of people who loved her.  She died in her sleep within 24 hours of leaving the hospital.

I got the email from her mother and 13 year old daughter this morning.  My cell phone is out of minutes.  I missed her last calls.  I could have talked her out of this... but wasn't there to do so.  I got so wrapped up in my own life.  I feel horrible.

RIP Nicki.  Until the next go around, right?  I love you, sister.

Dear Facebook Users

Jan. 26th, 2009 | 04:23 pm

I would just like to point out the obvious.  If someone has a FaceBook account, they can read EVERYTHING you post on FaceBook, even if they are not your friend.  If you choose to make shit public, that's what happens!

Be careful what you post peeps.  And don't assume people are causing drama because someone finds shit you don't want seen.  It doesn't mean you were ratted out.  It just means you are dumb.

That is all.

Johnny Depp dolls need new home

Dec. 14th, 2008 | 02:29 pm


There is the craigslist post.  Willie Wonka & Edward Scissorhands need a new home.  I need monies and I will have no where to display them once we move.

Furry Costume Part I

Oct. 21st, 2008 | 05:00 pm

So here is the almost finished project.  It's done and on  the way to Fed Ex now.  OMG my fingertips are bloody and sore.  99% of this costume was hand sewn with needle and thread.  I only used  the machine on the outside edge of the hand paws and the tail.

Photos of it on a human once Chris gets back from shipping it and uploads them.

Custom Order in the works...

Oct. 20th, 2008 | 12:29 pm

So this one will be done tonight.   It's a custom order of Bjorks awful swan dress.

I have room for 2 more costume commissions before Halloween. Any takers?

To everyone who is friends with Bobby on my list...

Oct. 9th, 2008 | 04:41 am

Just wanted to pass the news along. Monday night Bobby,
weepingstone , was hit by a car while riding his bike. I would have posted sooner but wanted to get permission to do so first.

He had memory loss at first, but is doing much better in that regard. He will be having surgery in the morning for damage done to the bones in his face, but he's well doped up and was joking around in the background when I talked to Liz for updates today. From my understanding other than the facial injuries everything else is unbroken, although bruised.

Feel free to cross post, as I don't have many on my LJ list anymore from the scene.  Keep him in your thoughts or prayers or whatever it is you do in these situations please!

Because Jean wanted to see it...

Oct. 4th, 2008 | 03:49 pm

I give you sushi. Currently for sale on Etsy.

As Chris said... my secret hidden talent. Everyone needs one.


Sep. 26th, 2008 | 11:35 pm

So it is that time of year again. My house smells of polymer clay, and the eBay listings have begun.

Here are a few of my favorite pairs so far. Keep me in mind when planning your costumes. I'll have photos of the tails & ears soon, promise. I had to start a new eBay account, grrr. But I'm back in business, and that's all that matters, right?

Many, MANY more can be found on my eBay account. Just go to eBay and do a seller search for liphartstudios or contact me for a link.

A couple of shots from our photoshoot with our stallion

Sep. 3rd, 2008 | 10:49 am
mood: loved loved

I LOVE my old man...

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